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Glee: Say Something [1/1] - Sam/Kurt

Title: Say Something
Author: thosesamestars
Rating: PG-13 [For one curse word and a brief scene of adult content]
Pairings: Sam/Kurt, Kurt/Blaine
Author Notes: This generated from my love of the song "Say Something" by Ian Axel. It's a gorgeous and heartbreaking song, and the more I listened to it, the more this came to me. This is told mostly from Sam's perspective. It's not great, and it's kind of on the fluffy side some times, but I don't care. =)
Warnings: slash, Kurt/Blaine date for part of it, angst
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. The end.
Summary: Kurt and Sam get close once Kurt returns.
Date Written: April 10, 2011

It began seven weeks ago when Kurt came back to William McKinley High School.

Sam didn’t realize how much he had missed his former almost-duet partner. It wasn’t until Kurt interrupted glee on his first day back to sing for everyone that Sam picked up on it. He acted differently, there was no denying it. Not good different nor bad different, just different.

It didn’t take long for Sam to be completely charmed by him. After Kurt had backed out of the duet competition, and Sam went full-force into trying to make sure he attached to the right people to solidify his reputation as non-dork stud, he never really had the chance to get to know Kurt. He had tried to stick up for the guy because glee stuck together when anyone else tried to mess with them, but it wasn’t long after Kurt left to go to Dalton.

But then he came back and nothing was the same.

// // //

Their relationship started with a glee project. Mr. Schue had assigned everyone into groups of three to tackle trios as the “theme of the week.” Lauren had bailed on glee club the second Kurt came back so they still only had 12 members total. Sam, Kurt and Brittany had all been assigned as a team and as their “trio” Sam and Brittany had decided on Green Day. Kurt knew who they were, and had no special bond with them, but uncharacteristically didn’t make a fuss about it. He liked both of his partners enough to let them choose their assignment.

Sam made it his mission to educate Kurt on All Things Green Day, and Kurt let him. For the entire week Kurt let Sam make him his own special project. Kurt let Sam prattle on about the trio, the albums they’d released and their contributions to that particular genre of music.

Brittany hung out with them once but had spent the entire time making friends with the squirrel that liked to feed on the sunflower seeds Sam’s mother left outside for the birds. While she introduced herself to “Steve” Sam decided on the song they’d sing while trying to keep it simple for all parties involved. He ended up choosing “She” off their album “Dookie.” Kurt almost vetoed the decision immediately with the feeling that any song off an album called “Dookie” was probably just that. But he ultimately let it go since he knew how much effort Sam had put into organizing it all.

When the week was up and it was time to perform their assignment, all three of them did the song wonders. Brittany mostly just danced through the short song but lent some brief vocals throughout.

They passed their project, and Sam passed Kurt’s rigid code of standards for people he hung out with outside of school.

// // //

It wasn’t uncommon to see the two of them, or the two of them plus Mercedes, together at school or occasionally around Lima after their assignment had ended. Even being a member of the football and basketball team, and having dated both Quinn and Santana, Sam didn’t have very many people he would consider to be true friends.

Kurt had returned to WMHS knowing he had the support of his fellow glee members, the loyalty and love from Mercedes that never flinched, and a sort-of boyfriend with Blaine. They didn’t label themselves as boyfriends, especially with the distance between them and the fact that they wouldn’t have each other around all the time, but they had come to an understanding that they were both interested in each other and they would see how it worked. It was difficult to find the time to make the trek to Westerville or from Westerville to Lima, but they managed. Kurt would have liked to have seen him more, but with his newfound friendship with Sam, he found he wasn’t quite as lonely.

Sam wasn’t sure when it had happened, but during the course of their friendship his feelings changed to something a lot more.

// // //

The first time he kissed Kurt, they were sitting in Sam’s room watching “Face Off” on FX. Kurt watched many things for Sam so it was Kurt’s pick that Saturday afternoon. There was no moment for Sam when realization hit and he knew he had to kiss the boy sitting on his left; he just did it. It was something he had been wanting to do for quite a while so he went with the impulse.

“What was that for?” Kurt asked, the confusion clearly readable on his face.

Sam looked into his eyes, searching for a reason he could cling to and explain but found nothing. How did you explain to your best friend that, for reasons unknown to you, you just felt pulled to him? That it was something you couldn’t fight anymore and, quite frankly, didn’t want to fight? How could you tell him that you didn’t feel good unless he was sitting next to you or that the best days were days spent with him doing nothing and everything all at once?

So instead of saying anything, Sam grabbed Kurt’s face and kissed him again. Kurt asked no questions after the second kiss, and Sam felt him kiss back.

// // //

Sam made it a point to never bring Blaine up in conversation. Kurt was sure to not mention him, either, but both were aware that something was happening between the two of them and that Kurt spent less and less time trying to see Blaine. Sam thought it was a good sign, that maybe Kurt was “picking him” even though the topic had never been brought up for them to discuss.

Kurt wasn’t really sure what was going on with them. He liked the attention Sam gave him, liked the moments they shared that were just between them, and of course he liked kissing him, but he didn’t know what any of it meant. He tried not to over analyze any of it, as hard as it was not to. He told Mercedes about the kiss but forbade her from ever mentioning it to anyone. Her immediate question was something Kurt couldn’t help but think about himself: “What about Blaine?”

“I don’t know what to do, Mercedes,” Kurt said earnestly.

“What do you want to do?” she asked, all too aware of the dilemma he was facing. She knew how hard he had worked to get Blaine’s attention and affection. When he finally got it, he never really had the chance to see where it went because he had transferred back to WMHS. On the other hand, Kurt had had a brief crush on Sam when he first joined glee club. It never got to the levels of crush-status that his crush on Finn had reached, but that was mostly because of Finn himself putting his two cents where they weren’t needed nor wanted.

“I don’t know,” Kurt answered. “I really don’t know.”

// // //

For Kurt’s birthday, Sam gave him something Kurt had never expected to get. Sam had an idea that it’s what he was going to give him, but he wasn’t sure-sure until after Kurt’s surprise birthday party was over, and it was just the two of them in Kurt’s room.

“You were the hottest guy there,” Sam said playfully, wrapping his arms around Kurt’s waist and giving him a gentle kiss on the lips. Kurt kissed him back making the kiss deeper.

Sam felt a flush of heat creep through his body, the tingling sensation he normally got when he made out with Kurt in full force. He put his hands on either side of Kurt’s face, their tongues moving effortlessly over each other’s while they continued their kiss. Sam guided Kurt to the bed, eager to give Kurt his present.

Sam broke their kiss to sit on the bed, Kurt still standing in front of him.

“I still haven’t given you your present,” Sam said, a devlish smile moving up his face.

“You don’t have to give me anything, Sam,” Kurt said, half serious and half giddy from the idea of getting another gift.

“I know,” Sam replied, more positive than ever that he was giving him the right thing. He pulled a condom out of his pocket and looked up at Kurt, both of their smiles gone. Kurt looked down at him, not quite sure what he was trying to get at.

“I want you to be my first,” Sam answered Kurt’s unasked question.

“Sam…” Kurt started, embarrassment taking over his excitement.

“Kurt, please don’t try to change my mind. I don’t think you realize how into you I am. You’re the only person I know who isn’t afraid to be themselves. You’re so strong and sexy and if there’s anyone I want to do this with, it’s you.”

“Are you sure?” Kurt asked.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

// // //

Sam and Kurt weren’t boyfriends. Kurt still hung out with Blaine, and Sam never once asked him not to. He had no idea what they did when they hung out, but he refused to be that guy.

Blaine transferred to William McKinley High School for Kurt. No one actually said that, but Sam knew immediately it was for the boy he was also in love with. Things changed pretty quickly once Blaine was in the picture. Kurt spent less time with Sam, despite his awkward attempts at trying to get Kurt to hang out with him for the most off-the-wall reasons, and started to spend more time with Blaine.

Sam didn’t know what he did wrong, but he felt like it was all his fault. Was he too clingy? Did he put too much pressure on Kurt? Did his voice not match Kurt’s as well as Blaine’s did? The endless questions started eating at Sam, and he had no idea what to do to fix it.

// // //

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

Sam left a note in Kurt’s locker. He was finding it increasingly harder to get Kurt alone, but he really wanted Kurt to know how much he missed him. Heartfelt letters weren’t really his forte. He was hoping Kurt would see the effort he was trying to make and think it sweet, but two days later with no response from Kurt was all he got.

Two days after that Jacob Ben Israel posted breaking news on his website that it was official: Blaine and Kurt were dating. What he had failed to post in addition to his “breaking news” was that Sam’s heart was breaking. Though, to be fair, Sam tried to keep that tidbit of information to himself.

Sam sat on his bedroom floor, laptop open in front of him and a bottle of his dad’s scotch next to him. He was at a complete loss as to what to think regarding the whole situation. He had been under the impression that Kurt had feelings for him. Was he wrong? Was he reading into all of it? He thought back to their first project after Kurt returned from Dalton. He thought back to the first time Sam kissed him, when Kurt kissed back the second time. He thought back to the first time they made out in the boys bathroom at school, how giddy they both were to be doing “the forbidden.”

He opened up a folder on his computer labeled “Bible Passages” and clicked on the first file. A photograph popped up on his screen. He looked into the faces of both himself and Kurt. In the photo Sam was holding up the camera to take a photo of the two of them and Kurt had leaned in the last second to kiss Sam on the cheek.

Sam clicked “next” and a new photograph opened. Sam was sleeping, naked, tangled in Kurt’s bed sheets. Kurt had grabbed one of his eyeliners and drew a heart with Kurt’s name in the center on Sam’s left shoulder blade while he had slept.

Sam clicked “next” again and the new photograph was of Kurt holding up the camera with one hand and blowing a kiss with his other.

Having had enough torture, Sam closed his laptop and took another sip from the bottle of scotch sitting next to him.

// // //

And I will stumble and fall
I’m still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Sam knew Kurt was a fan of “grand gestures.” He was hoping that he would earn some brownie points for attempting one.

Mr. Schue had been busy for the week and had forgotten to assign a “theme of the week” for glee. Usually that meant pretty much everyone would sing a love song to their significant other with the exception of Mercedes. He had thought about asking Mercedes if she wanted to sing a song with him, the two loners of the group, but decided to sing a song to Kurt instead.

He was still second guessing his decision when Mr. Schue called him up to sing his song. He looked over at Kurt and swore he saw hope or happiness on his face but tried not to think too much into it. He looked at the boy sitting next to him, with the insane mop of hair on his head, and definitely did not see happiness. There had been definite animosity between him and Blaine. He liked to think it was because Kurt had talked about him a lot to Blaine, but the logical conclusion would be that Mercedes had told him that Kurt was really close with him. Regardless, him and Blaine had yet to utter a single word to the other.

Sam picked up his guitar, placed the strap over his body and started strumming the chords for his “grand gesture” song. The band joined him as he sang “I’d Do Anything” by Jason Mraz. He hoped he wasn’t going over the line by singing the song to Kurt, but he also hoped Kurt understood the significance of it. Sam spent most of the song looking everywhere and at everyone who wasn’t Kurt. As he came to the end of the song, he made a definite point to look at his former lover, willing Kurt to realize what Sam was trying to say to him.

When the song was over, everyone clapped and cheered for him. Blaine’s clapping was a little forced and unenthusiastic, but Sam did manage to see a big smile on Kurt’s face.

That was all he needed.

When glee was over, Sam tried to hang back a little to talk to Kurt. He knew he was going to have to deal with Blaine being there, too, but it was a necessary evil to ultimately get what he wanted. He walked up to Kurt.

“Can I talk to you for a second? Alone,” he added after Blaine walked up behind Kurt.

“I…don’t know,” he said, grabbing Blaine’s hand. “We should probably go.” Blaine looked at their hands and then up to Sam’s face, an “I won” gleam in his eye as he smiled sharply.

“Oh, okay,” Sam said, embarrassment taking over.

Kurt immediately looked down and started walking toward the door to leave. As he and Blaine reached the door, Kurt looked back at Sam and saw the blond boy staring up at the ceiling, eyes closed. He wanted to say something to him so badly but thought it best that he not say anything so that Sam would just move on and find someone better than Kurt. Sam opened his eyes and looked at Kurt’s retreating figure, not knowing that Kurt himself was trying to hold back the tears from rolling down his face.

// // //

And I will swallow my pride
You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye

Sam knew prom was going to be torture. He ended up asking Mercedes to go with him because he knew she would make the night more bearable. Kurt was going to be there with Blaine so Sam had thought about not going at all but decided against it because he didn’t want to give Blaine the satisfaction.

Whoever was in charge with the decorations had done a pretty good job. Sam didn’t pay too much attention to his surroundings, but he noticed enough to know that they didn’t look bad.

Mercedes had convinced Sam to dance with her most of the night. She tried her hardest to not make it easy for Sam to feel sorry for himself. She saw the look on his face when Kurt and Blaine had arrived, dressed in matching suits and holding hands. Personally, she didn’t mind Blaine. She was a fan of anyone who treated her boy well. But if she had to pick, she would have chosen Sam. Sam had treated Kurt like an actual human being from the beginning. He didn’t play into the whole “macho jock” stereotype and was never afraid to be around Kurt. Blaine didn’t treat him badly, either, but she always had a feeling in the back of her head that told her Blaine’s life didn’t revolve around Kurt. She wasn’t too sure she liked the nagging thought, especially when she had to see how pathetic Sam looked, always throwing mooneyes in Kurt’s direction.

There was a no alcohol policy to be “strictly enforced” by Principal Figgins, but somehow someone had managed to spike the punch at table 6. After several drinks from the aforementioned table, Sam was well into having a buzz. He had told himself to stay away from Kurt, but when Blaine left to go to the bathroom, and with the alcohol working it’s magic, Sam found himself walking toward Kurt.

“Dance with me,” Sam said, making sure it was said as a statement and not a question. Kurt looked toward the bathroom, and Sam took advantage of the moment by grabbing Kurt and dragging him onto the dance floor.

“Sam, what are you doing? People are going to start talking,” Kurt said while looking at his classmates dancing next to them. He didn’t want people to start thinking Sam was gay, which is exactly what they were going to do if he kept dancing with him.

“Fuck them,” Sam said. “Let them talk.” Sam’s eyes didn’t leave Kurt’s face. Kurt looked up at him, not sure what to make of the boy holding onto him.

“Are you drunk?” Kurt asked, giving his dance partner a weird look.

“No,” Sam lied. He was an awful liar. “Yes,” he corrected. “But I still don’t care what anyone has to say.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. How was he supposed to believe anything that came out of Sam’s mouth when he was so drunk that he probably wasn’t going to remember any of it anyway.

“Kurt. What did I do wrong?” Sam looked at Kurt, his soul open and bare for the other boy to see.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Sam. I swear. It was just bad timing,” Kurt tried to explain, not sure if Sam was believing it when he could barely believe it himself.

“If I didn’t do anything wrong, why did you cut me out? I love you, Kurt,” he said, his voice getting louder the more upset he got.

“Shh!” Kurt said quickly, hoping no one around them heard Sam’s little declaration. “Sam, you’re drunk. You’re going to say something you regret if you keep talking. Maybe we can meet up for coffee next week and catch up or something.”

“So you were just having fun, then? You needed someone so you weren’t lonely until Mr. Perfect showed back up? Is that it?” Sam asked, the alcohol affecting both his speech and his movements more and more.

“Is that what you really think?” Kurt asked, taken aback.

“What else am I supposed to think!?” Sam almost shouted.

Blaine walked up behind Sam and tapped him on his shoulder.

“I think it’s time you go home,” Blaine said. He kind of felt bad for the kid.

“You’re right,” Sam agreed. “I can’t do this anymore,” he said, looking straight at Kurt. “I can’t.”

// // //

Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
Anywhere I would have followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you

“Are you okay?” Mercedes asked Sam the following Monday before glee started. He was sitting by himself and just looked plain miserable.

“I’m okay as I can be,” he said, trying to be as optimistic as possible in the mood he was in.

“I, um…I heard some people talking about prom in the hall earlier.”

“Oh, yeah? What’d they say?” Sam asked, already knowing what the answer was going to be. He was pretty sure he had already heard some form of it in the locker room after basketball practice earlier that day.

“The gist of it was that you love Kurt and you tried to fight Blaine for him.”

“Well, at least they got part of it right,” he said, resigned. “I didn’t fight Blaine, though. I gave up. If Kurt felt the same way about me, he would have said something. He would have tried after the twelve or so times I tried to tell him how I feel.”

“He does care for you, Sam,” Mercedes started. Sam interrupted her immediately.

“That’s not good enough. I know you’re trying to play peacemaker here, Mercedes, and I appreciate it, I do. But I would have done anything for that kid. All I needed from him was some sign or some something that he felt anything in return. He’s with Blaine, and I just need to let it go that he’s exactly where he wants to be…with whom he wants to be with.”

“I know you didn’t just interrupt me,” Mercedes spat out, anger coloring her dark cheeks. “What I was going to say was that he’s been trying to protect you. My boy had it bad for you, Sam. When he falls for someone, he falls hard and doesn’t get over it quickly.”

“What?” Sam asked, not understanding a thing Mercedes was trying to say. “Protect me from what?”

“From yourself, probably. From the public humiliation you’d get on a daily basis by being with him.”

“But I don’t--”

“Let me finish! Kurt’s gay and everyone knows that. He was driven to a different school because of it and when he came back the last thing he expected was for you to be as close to him as you were.”

“If this were true, what about Blaine?”

“Blaine understands what he’s going through. He went through it himself. When Blaine transferred here, Kurt figured dating him would be the best way for you to get over him. He thought you’d get back your normal, straight life without him being the cause of any problems you might encounter due to the whole gay thing. Blaine has been there, done that. Being slushied or called names isn’t new for either of them. He felt you didn’t deserve that.”

Sam sat next to Mercedes, taking in everything she was saying. It certainly didn’t excuse Kurt’s behavior nor cold shoulder, but he could at least understand where he was coming from.

Kurt and Blaine walked into the choir room and sat down in the chairs at the opposite side of the room. Sam watched their interactions and finally noticed how un-loving they were. To anyone else, it looked normal. It looked like two people who were dating, who shared their lives with each other on a different level than friends would. However, it wasn’t the same level Sam remembered that they had shared. They didn’t touch each other the way Sam and Kurt touched; they didn’t smile the same way or hold hands the same way. They were together to be together, but it didn’t appear to be love.

Sam felt relieved in a way. He had almost convinced himself everything had happened between him and Kurt only in his mind. Hearing it from Mercedes, and seeing Kurt and Blaine interact for the first time without his Klaine Blinders on, he knew he would finally be able to move on.

“Thanks for telling me,” he started, looking back at Mercedes. “I needed to hear that more than you know. It still doesn’t change anything. If he wanted to be with me…he would understand it’s my own decision to put myself in that situation. He can’t protect me from myself. He should have realized I would have done anything to be with him, but I’m tired of this being one sided. He knows damn well the ball’s been in his court from the beginning.”

Sam looked over at Kurt and saw that Kurt had been watching him. Sam couldn’t take this right now. He knew he would be able to get over it eventually, but with all the information that had just been thrown at him…he had to leave.

He stood up and started walking toward the door. Mr. Schue hadn’t shown up for class yet so he was just going to skip it before he did.

Mercedes looked over at Kurt with exasperation. ‘Say something’ she mouthed, hoping Kurt would finally man up and do something everyone knew he wanted to do.

“Sam!” Kurt called to the blond figure walking away, standing up where he had been sitting next to Blaine.

Sam stopped in his tracks. He closed his eyes and let the warm feeling of hope course through his body.

Originally posted @SamKurt.